I grew up in a suburban neighborhood a few miles north of Baltimore that was very ordinary, though there was nothing ordinary about the vibes whooshing around my family’s dinner table.
My mother Fritzi was born in the Transylvanian Alps of Romania in 1926. She and my father, Harry, were so bonded to each other that when he died, in the prime of life, at 56, she told me she would never look at another man. She probably never did.
My father was raised in an orphanage in Brooklyn, New York, one subway stop away from the apartment where his mother, my grandmother Tibbie lived. The reason was, Tibbie’s husband, Joseph, my grandfather, had lost his business in the stock market crash and decided to depart the planet rather hastily, thus leaving Tibbie on her own with no means of support.
She found herself with three toddlers on her hands in the midst of a full-on economic collapse. And though she had converted from Judaism to Christian Science with optimism a few years prior, religion wasn’t going to help much. The money ran out.
She decided she could afford to raise only one of her three sons. She chose Arthur, the oldest, depositing my uncle, Buddy, and my dad at the local orphanage. The two tykes possessed all the survival skills that any three- and five-year-old have, which is to say, virtually none at all. The boys toughed it out, surviving a string of foster homes into their late teens.
My mother, Fritzi, on the other hand, some 4,800 miles away in rural Romania, was living a very different kind of life. Hers was a fun, carefree existence. Her parents, my grandparents Rose and Wolf Perl, were loving and generous. My mother, the youngest of six (five girls and a boy), was masterful at her primary childhood occupation: dodging kisses.
The family lived in a picturesque village in Matamures County, a few kilometers south of Ukraine. The Perl children skied and hiked and swam in streams pristine and pure enough to drink right out of. Until the Nazis showed up in 1944, Visuel de Sus was an excellent place to be.
Before the insanity of World War II, in the 1920’s, my mother’s oldest sister, my aunt Estie, saw disaster looming in Europe, as so many did, and sought a way out. When she met Luis Rosenthal, a young Cuban guy vacationing at a local hot springs, and spent some quality time with him—and when, later, he proposed by letter from Havana—she boarded a ship and sailed off to marry him.
I’ve heard it said that courage is doing something difficult by choice rather than out of necessity. I, for one, count aunt Estie as one brave woman for taking that one-way trip across the pond. (All turned out well.)
In May 1944, the fateful Nazi steam trains pulled into tiny Visuel de Sus, bringing the hiking and skiing and dodging kisses to a grinding halt.
My mother’s brother, my uncle Anci, ran (literally) north into Ukraine where he became a forced conscript in the Russian army. He made it through that virulent antisemitic experience by hiding his heritage. After the war, Anci walked across Europe to Tel Aviv, Israel, where he married my aunt Rozi and had two daughters, my cousins Leah and Ziva. Ziva was runner-up for Miss Israel, back in the day.
Several of my mother’s family—my family—perished on the train to Auschwitz. The tragedy of it was that the Nazis arrived in northern Romania close to the end of the war; a few months later and none of this would have happened. My mother’s family were that close to escaping, scot free.
So it went.
After stepping off the train at the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland, my grandmother Rose and my mother and three aunts and 3,000 fellow Romanians had a pretty good idea what was about to happen. SS officers met them, wielding truncheons and ordering them to form into queues.
Going to the right meant surviving while going left meant death in the gas chambers. Without realizing this, my grandmother chose to go left to help a friend’s family who were sent that way. Rose was never seen again. My mother’s sister, Shari, and her son, my cousin, were shot by the Gestapo at the entrance of the camp and lay where they fell. The crowds parted to walk around them or went right over them.
More than a million people died in Auschwitz in World War II — the insane “Final Solution” to the Nazis’ “Jewish problem.”
My mother and my aunts Piri and Susy headed for the barracks at Auschwitz – for seven horrific months. You may know something about that story. If you don’t, watch Schindler’s List for a visceral feel of it.
The Perl sisters were then transported to a munitions factory in Germany to work as slave labor for the Third Reich. But at least that meant staying alive.
At war’s end in May 1945, the three Perl sisters were liberated along with the rest of Europe. My mother contracted typhoid fever and was quarantined for several weeks. She suffered a high fever, which probably damaged her brain. As the months wore on, she discovered sizable gaps in her memory. She has told me on more than one occasion that that was probably a good thing.
She and my two aunts made their way to a DP (displaced person) camp in Paris.
If God was now back on the Continent and bestowed a blessing on the Perl sisters, it came in the form of Charlie Battye, a friendly British officer who offered to help them find their remaining sister. There was lots of good will to go around after the truth about the Camps started to come out. Charlie wrote a letter for the Perl sisters to “Family Rosenthal Havana Cuba,” hoping to make contact with oldest sister Estie who had married Luis Rosenthal.
Luis received it. He immediately sent funds to a cousin in Paris who arranged for passage for the Perl sisters on a ship bound for Havana.
After the horrors they’d endured, imagine what it was like now: the three refugee sisters living in posh comfort on Tio Luis’s estate. My uncle was a prosperous watch maker and a distributor, and a generous and genial guy. The sisters played tennis, ate sumptuous meals and did their best not to think about what had happened to them in the war.
Luis wanted to help the sisters find husbands. He posted a letter to an old friend, a Hungarian, Alex, who was living in Brooklyn, New York. Alex had enlisted in the U.S. army during the war and was thus automatically granted U.S. citizenship. In the letter, Alex found a photo of three young women—the Perl sisters. My mother and my two aunts.
A bachelor in search of a partner, Alex was intrigued by Piri’s image. He drew a circle around her face and mailed the photo back to Luis — and before you could say geographical undesirability be damned the couple were wed and setting up house in Brooklyn. Around this time, in Cuba, my aunt Susy married Tio Moises. Over the next years, my cousins started arriving in Havana — Daisy, Vivian, Robert and Lillian.
In 1952, my mother traveled to Brooklyn to visit her sister Piri and met my father Harry on a blind date. He told her he was an engineer. Not true. He was just a lab tech.
He attempted to woo Fritzi by reading her the poetry of Robert Service — a curious choice, since Service wrote about grizzled frontiersmen like Dangerous Dan McGrew who tramped up to the Yukon territories in search of gold. But my mother didn’t speak any English, so it didn’t matter. And Harry had a great voice. Six weeks later, they married.
My father surprised everyone, possibly including himself, by becoming a scientist who would find fame as an inventor. But until he settled down, he didn’t know what he was capable of.
My parents and my sister Rhonda and I lived in a brownstone on 41st St. between 15th and 16th avenue in Boro Park, Brooklyn, a few blocks from Flatbush Avenue. A warm and welcoming place.
Not having had much of a family, my father loved my mother’s large European clan. Everyone was very tight back then. Piri and Alex and my cousins Sharon and Rita lived right across the street. I played punch ball, stoop ball and stick ball with the neighborhood kids, in alleys, on stoops and in streets.
A few years earlier, in 1959, Castro took over Cuba and the communists began to confiscate peoples’ property. Not wanting to live under that system, my relatives left, moving to Miami.
We flew or drove down to visit them every year.
Though our life in Brooklyn was good, one could sense Europe seething down below the surface. My mother mostly kept quiet about what happened in the war. My aunt Susy never said a word about it.
Not Piri. Sometimes, at holiday meals, she would start in with the hair-raising stories. There was the one about the kapo (concentration camp guard) who made lamp shades out of human skin. And the line-ups and selections with Dr. Mengele, the mastermind of the gruesome medical experiments carried out on the defenseless inmates of Auschwitz. We kids, in our safe world, listened rapturously. We took in those lessons without realizing it.
While my father was supporting our family at his day job, he attended Cooper Union college at night to earn a master’s degree in electrical engineering. In 1962, Westinghouse made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Our family moved to Randallstown, Maryland, just north of Baltimore.
My parents loved their ordinary suburban existence. In fact, all they really wanted was ordinary. On the outside, they were secure and happy. But on the inside, the currents of their tragedies and traumas flowed unseen.
What was interesting, to me, was that my parents were opposites. Yet totally enamored of each other. If they were seeking love today, they would have surely have clicked over to the next profile.
Not long after my father logged his 35th U.S. patent for yet another invention that would make Westinghouse millions (while he drew a modest salary) he was diagnosed with colon cancer. He died the way many cancer victims do: diminished, drugged, shockingly different than the way you knew them. My mother was at his side every day, often sleeping in his hospital bed with him.
So many people loved my father. Most of all my mother, who would sometimes speak to him in the early morning hours, while in the hypnogogic state between dreaming and waking, when the line between what’s real and what’s wished blurs, and maybe isn’t important at all.
They’re gone now, the survivors.
Piri passed away in 2011 at the age of 90. Fritzi passed away in 2016, also at 90. Estie passed away in January 2018 at 104. Susy passed away in March 2018 at 94.
Read more: A History of the Perl Family.
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